DO YOU WANT TO CONTACT ME?
Oh, dear god, it's not something I said, is it? Wait--wait! Is this about those letters I wrote to the president? I was joking, I swear! I don't even know how to make an "anthrax/fission bomb"! It was all a bi--what? It's not, huh? Oh, alright. I see how it is. You just want to get in touch so that you can lavish praise upon me, propose marriage or (unlikely, I know) complain about how I'm a bitchy little man who thinks he's better than you despite being unattractive and probably having poor personal hygeine.
Well! That's something completely different, of course. I would be more than happy to provide you with a few ways of getting in touch! For one, you can E-mail me at email@example.com. There is (or may be) a problem with this, which is that sometimes the mail doesn't like getting through. As such, you can also try firstname.lastname@example.org or in a pinch email@example.com, although that one's liable to expire.
What's that, you say? You want to talk, but you belong to an obscure religious sect that renders those who use electronic mail ritually unclean, and you don't want to have to sacrifice the rabbits and/or goats it would take to purify your soul afterwards? Understandable! I'm one of those people too! So you can also contact me in AIM-world via the screen-name OSDCC.
Computers not your thing? Well, alright, I'll let you in on a secret: (720) 278-9146. That's my cell-phone, which means you can call when I'm at operas, weddings (like my own!), funerals (hopefully not my own!), etc. Have fun!